Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well you can't waste a boner
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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