the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
