Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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