Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
