he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
