I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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