did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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