I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
