Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
