hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
