I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All the doctor said was why
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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