I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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