Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize