I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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