i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize