how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
