3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Plan B is the new Plan A
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
