I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
