Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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