there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
