last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i came on her dog
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
