I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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