haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize