This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
