i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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