he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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