a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
