I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Never joke about your clitoris.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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