So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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