How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
