I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
