chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
