Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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