Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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