Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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