He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize