Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
