and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
