Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
