apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
