So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
