Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
