Got a toothbrush?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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