In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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