dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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