i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
