So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
