He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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