This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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