wanna go halves on a baby?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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