Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
