you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
