im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
