similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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