No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
