Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
