over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
