I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize