yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
