please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
