somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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