Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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