420 ftw
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize