i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
