I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's get the cat blown out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
