Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize