I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize