so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize