How'd it feel making her break her religion?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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