I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
