am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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