So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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