This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
