So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize