You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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