Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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