dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
